My First California

Once upon a time I was at the Forever 21 in lovely Thousand Oaks, CA. I had found a belt that I wasn't sure if I loved or not and in these sorts of situations I often ask the check out girl for her opinion in order to aid me in my decision to buy or not to buy. The belt had a bow on it.

I made my way to the check out part and glanced up amidst my thorough examinations of the belt to see which part of the check stand I should go to. I observed that the check out girl was standing on the left end of things and was wearing a lovely maxi-dress and had long pretty hair and was kind of pretty herself- in an odd way. Then I went back to examining my belt and imagining how glamorous ( I totally had to sing the song as I typed that so I could spell that correctly) it would be if I could only find some bungee- type belt extender so that this normal size belt would fit around my monster waist.

I approached the check out part, still examining the belt in question, and asked the girl "Do you like this belt with a bow?", to which HE replied "Oh yes, I love bows. You should see, like, when I wear a pencil skirt I always attach a bow. One time I went to Jo Anne's and got tulle and wrapped it around my waist and had the huge bow in back- it was so cute. I'm all about bows." Also HE described to me a few other choice outfits, and all the while I was so in shock that it was all I could do to not point and stammer "Y-y-y-our'e a a a A DUDE!!"

I don't know how I had not noticed at first glance, but it was so obviously a guy. Although he was skinny, and be-wigged and with 13 pounds of cosmetic foolery made an almost pretty girl from far away, there was no mistaking those shoulders, the voice, or the 5 o'clock shadow poking through his face putty. It was a total tranny!! Right at my Forever 21!! And I thought he was pretty at first too! It was even my first time going shopping since we got here and what good fortune to have such an eventful and unique shopping excursion on my very first try! I love California.

Also the weather is beautiful and everything is pretty and we are making progress on getting the horrendous pile of crap house we bought into livable condition. It's slow going. Things are good and we are loving being here! We have even been to Disneyland already. Awesome.

P.S. I did buy the belt. He's right- bows are really cute.

P.S.S. Annie pointed out that there is usually some assortment of trannies at any Forever 21, even in Orem. But I have never though one of them was pretty from far away. I was nearly fooled! Had this guy not spoken to me I probably never would have noticed that he was a he. It was weird.

Out

We're moving out tomorrow! I can't believe it's finally here. I'm so so so excited! Here's the plan, just in case you were curious about the tiny details of my fascinating life: Spend a few days at George and Julie's (dropping off poor little Obie who can't live with us for a while during the moving stuff. I'm going to cry every day until I see him again!), drive to California to close on our house, come back for a baby blessing and baptism (not the same child) and then go back for our cruise and then we live there. Yikes! I hope it's as awesome as I've been imagining it will be.

Happy 3 To Me

Three years married and I still like him! Sweet!! Happy Anniversary to me and Justin yesterday.

Dear Nature,

Dear Nature,

Remember a few weeks ago when I was complaining that it wasn't warm enough? Well, I hope you didn't take offense to that. I realize that you may have perceived my complaints as insults toward your temperature regulation abilities, but I assure you that was not the case. I was joking! Totally kidding. The only reason I bring it up is that I feel like you must have been offended by it. Why else would you have made this happen?

This picture was taken with my phone- not very high quality. If you can't tell it says 112 degrees, and also that my brake light is out.

I truly hope you weren't offended by my complaining- I promise it really was just a joke. So lets just agree that you do a great job of weather and in the future you can keep the temperatures under 100. I hate for you to have to do extra work making the earth all scalding and such, just to prove a point. Like I said, you're doing just a super job! Keep up the good work!

Kind Regards,

Melodie

The Ute Stampede

I've been to a rodeo. A Rodeo. Me- amongst all the cows and poop and what not! It was nuts. We had the best seat in the house:

Ha ha. Get it? Because of the butts right in front of us. Seriously though, very front row, right behind the cages. When the very first grumpy little horse went out of it's cage he flicked poop on me. Not cool pony! Ben and Jonah (nephews- Justin's side) came down from their seats for a minute to sit with us and were loving it. Look how cute they are hanging over the side to get a better view:

To read my thoughts on the rodeo itself click here. Warning: It's not very nice.

Other things that happened at the rodeo that did not involve as much cruelty to animals: The Bathing Beauties! In Nephi they have this competition where teenage girls parade around the city park in their bathing suits and they get prizes for it. The winners get to be driven around the rodeo oval in their bathing suits in the back of a truck, to raucous applause by their mothers and all the old perverts in town. This is the most illogical beauty pageant ever, and beauty pageants are not know for being a particularly logical creation. The best part is that the two early-middle-aged ladies who organize the Bathing Beauties competition took out a full page ad in the rodeo program for a picture of themselves as an advertisement for the competition. Wouldn't it make more sense to put a picture of a bathing beauty? Yes, but that would make sense, thereby violating all rules of the competition.

Other exciting events- this boot/car: It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. The middle had a lift in it. At the beginning of the rodeo out comes the rodeo flag, held by a national guard guy, then it goes back down. Then the state flag, then back down, followed by the American flag, and then back down. Then all three came up with the national anthem singer (some 11 year old boy who was actually pretty impressive) and it spun around! I'm not even joking- I have pictures to prove it. So while this kid was singing the national anthem, he and the flags were rotating inside a giant cowboy boot. Talk about class! At the end they went back down and were driven off the field. It was what I imagine kings and queens would ride in. Probably they have these all over Europe in royalty-type countries.

Another one of my favorite bits was the following quote from classy congressman Chaffetz "Most importantly, I'm here to keep Obama away from your guns and Nancy Pelosi away from your wallet!" (Thunderous applause) I thought he was joking but apparently the rednecks really are that concerned about those crazy liberals coming to their house and stealing their guns. What do they think the liberals are going to do once they've stolen them? Shoot all the conservatives? I don't get it. Here is one of my favorite pictures we took whilst at the rodeo, though it has nothing to do with guns or Mr. Chaffetz. It's a little hard to see, but he's texting.

Well, that was pretty much it. Unfortunately we won't be here for the next few summers at least, so this is my last Ute Stampede for a while. Somehow I think I'll manage.

USA is A-OK!

You may recall me saying that Justin was taking round 1 of the CPA on Friday. Well, he did that in Las Vegas and was probably a tremendous success, though we won't know for sure for another month or so. So there we were in Las Vegas after his test,hanging out at our hotel, and we discussed how we weren't ready to go home yet but we didn't want to stay in Vegas (on account of we don't really like it). So we went to California! It was a fun trip.

We didn't really go anywhere super neat (except for the mall in Woodland Hills that was sooooo wonderful, but the mall doesn't count as cool for some people, much to my astonishment.) but it was so nice to just hang out. It made us both so excited to move! Only two months!

We spent some quality time with my delicious cousins. We kind of crashed their family party (sorry guys). We had dinner at my aunt and uncle's house and then went with them to watch the town fireworks. They had a primo spot on top of a hill and the fireworks were set off from a hill across the way. It was pretty and they brought treats and glowsticks. Best event ever.

Here is Justin on top of the fireworks watching hill. He has a fun summer beard. Pretty, isn't it- (the view, not the beard)?

*His shirt really isn't a ridiculous lime color, just regular green. These were taken with his phone in the nearly dark so they aren't super high quality.

Here are the some of the delicious cousins to which I referred earlier, also atop fireworks hill. They are a delight. Thanks for the fun, guys!

Life as a Sugar-Momma

Justin has finally done it. He's made me into his sugar-momma. He gets to hang out at the house all day long with the dog whilst I toil away as a member of the lady workforce. And I'm not even mad about it. Kind of seems like he has hit the jack-pot, right?

Ok, that's not totally how it is. He's actually studying his fancy pants off for the CPA (he takes round one this friday- yikes!). He goes to this special, secret study lounge at BYU sometimes so he doesn't get distracted. Or at least that what he claims to be doing. I think he's actually going to a day-time night club or something because he always comes home so tired. Also he still technically has a job, but he only does it like once a week. But still... That is pretty much like I'm the sugar-momma. And it is hard work!

The good part is that my job is totally easy. In fact I am typing this at my job. That shows you how much actual work I have to do, that I have time to sit around and blog. The bad part is that I haven't been to 7 Peaks yet. (I did go once, but I didn't get in the water and I didn't lay out so it doesn't count.)

In conclusion, life as a sugar-momma has its perks, such as days full of online shopping and reading my latest book-crush. However, it's not all fun and easy work. I don't think I could do it if I didn't know that Justin was at home with his face buried in another "intellectually stimulating" (super-boring) accounting book and having a lot less fun than I am. Good Luck on CPA round one, JP!

Why?

I thought it was going to be summer. Why is the weather the worst ever? Every day that I wake up and it's still raining I die a little inside. I think I'm going to hibernate until real summer starts. Wake me up wen it's 85 or better.

Sweeeeeeet

Some one- I won't say who- brought me breakfast in bed this morning of a cinnamon bun from my favorite bakery. Not only is this the surest way to my heart and the reason I love, love, love him (well, one of the many), it is also the reason I'm a fatty (again, one of the many). Sigh. I miss the good old days when it was fashionable for a woman to be plump.